Is your machete ready?

When I drove through my neighborhood last week I was in a bit of shock. The entire area looked like a hurricane had come through, trees just splintered apart everywhere, but this wasn’t an act of nature. It was done deliberately, and it made my heart sick. You see, I love trees. It probably comes from the fact that I basically grew up in one. I had a best friend who lived two doors down from me, and we spent every minute together, and often in that tree. So I’ve got a bit of a soft spot in my heart for trees. 

And there are tons beautiful trees in our neighborhood. They are stunning. (the one pictured on my home screen is right from my back porch!) But apparently the time had come for them to be trimmed down.  The trees get tangled in the power/telephone/cable/internet wires, since they all those wires are above ground here. So every few years, a crew of guys with machetes goes around cutting the trees way back so they don’t have to worry about it again for several more years. Therefore, they don’t get lightly trimmed. They get hacked apart. They are cut quickly and unmethodically, and it looks like a tree massacre. Shards of branches are sticking up in every direction, some trees have one entire side cut off of them, leaving it off kilter. One roundish tree was cut right through the middle, like a hairdresser with a razor to the middle of ones head.

This isn’t pruning. This isn’t trimming back so that it will grow back more beautiful, or healthier. Some might not be able to grow back at all, some will always remain slanted and bent in a new direction. Some look sad and pathetic. Some look like they belong in a creepy horror movie scene. But sadly, something has to be done, because if the trees aren’t cut, then we’ll lose power. It happens often here, with a strong storm or high winds, the branches end up falling on the power lines. And I happen to like having power; I sort of like having lights at night, I appreciate the internet, and I really really enjoy having a fan to cool me off while I sleep.

But it got me thinking.

What if one of those trees represented my life? I’m just growing, giving the world oxygen. Doin’ my tree thang. Being the best tree that I know how to be. But, what if there was one part of me that needed to be cut? Maybe cut back because I was a danger to myself. Or others. What if, I had something called sin. Depending on what my sin was, I’d decide how to handle it. Confront it. Ignore it. Hide it. Mask it. Lie about it. Deny it. 

 If I am able to step out of denial, that means I can probably confront it. And if it’s a more serious issue, a habitual sin, an ongoing sin, a sin of the flesh, I might have to do something more drastic.

Like hack it off with a machete.

Maybe it’s only a few small branches. Maybe it’s the whole freakin’ left side of me. I might end up looking like sideways, bent, crooked, tree. And there is no way to make it sound or look pretty, because, it isn’t. I might remain in my hacked up state, but would I be better off since I got rid of the sin in my life?

I’d like to say yes. I really really would.

But I don’t like it. I don’t particularly know what to do with the verse that says, “and if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.”

Um, are you kidding me? Really Jesus? 

And I feel like He’s saying, uh, yes, daughter of mine. That sin in your life, that sin that you guard, protect, hide; it is poison. You are drinking from your shiny glass of poison and it’s killing you. It is keeping you from Me, it’s tainting your view of reality, it’s hurting your family and your marriage, and it most certainly is a big deal. And so when Jesus tells me He thinks it’s better to gouge my sin out, hack it off, quickly and immediately before it kills me, I think He’s serious. I think He knows I won’t look as beautiful without my eye (even if I cover it with a cute eye patch) or my branches. 

But, He gently reminds me, He is more concerned about what my heart looks like. 

And so while I still feel sad about the state of these trees, I feel like I am seeing them in a different way. It had to be done. Until we get power lines under the ground, the cutting had to be done. So maybe it’s the same with the way that God sees me; it had to be done. The sin had to be cut out.  It is as simple as that. Not easy, heck no, but simple. The incredible part is, He doesn’t see the hacked up parts, the broken off parts, the bent or crooked me. 

He sees my heart.

He sees my new and beautiful, spotless heart. My heart that has found it’s way back to Him. My heart that can truthfully see it’s faults, issues, and sins. My heart that has confessed, repented, and even had do some hacking along the way to make sure nothing will grow back. Nothing.

 Now I will live with my scar, my shards sticking out, and move on. Knowing, that even though I’m not exactly as beautiful or majestic as I once was, I am alive. And I will remain alive, next to Jesus, for the rest of eternity. And that seems a little more important than the embarrassment of being hacked apart. Of admitting my sin, of coming face to face with it and saying enough!  I want to chose the bold, hard, scary path of confronting and hacking my sin to death, because it brings life. I chose life, from a tenderhearted Father who gives it freely.  

Choose kindness.

I am fairly confident I say the words, “be kind, choose kindness, or you are kind” 1,000 times a day to my kids.  And sometimes it feels like we’re not making a lot of progress in the kindness department. I mean, when will things ‘click’? What is happening? Well, I’m not entirely sure yet, but I have an idea or two.

Yesterday I had a chance to chat with a teacher who heads up several unique programs for our school, he seems like a pretty great resource. So I asked him, specifically, how I could work with my daughter on being kind. 

And as we chatted I realized that I hadn’t really helped my children define what kindness is. Or what it looks like, or feels like. I mean, think about it, it’s pretty abstract. I can hardly give you a good working definition as an adult. When I stopped to think about it, all I could come up with was, “being kind is, well, being kind.” 

That isn’t exactly helpful to a small child.  

The dictionary isn’t much help either, “the quality of being friendly, generous, or considerate.” 

Can a child articulate what is being generous? Or considerate? Probably not very easily. Perhaps with some prompting. 

I decided it would be helpful if I could work through this with my children, and so we’ve begun practical conversations about what it means to be kind. We’ve talked about examples of it, what it looks like and feels like, and naturally, what it does not look like.  

Turns out, there are so many great resources out there. We came across several great charts on Pinterest. I also came across a FANTASTIC book, and I’d love to share it with you. This book, Be Kind, by Pat Zietler Miller, is amazing. (It’s right here on Amazon if you wanna check it out) It’s a story about how a little girl spills grape juice on herself, and what another little girl thinks about it; she wonders what to do, how to help her, how to deal with it. And how when we are kind to just one person, that kindness spreads. (Spoiler alert: one idea she has is to spill juice on herself to make the other little girl less embarrassed and alone-it’s so sweet!) 

 And I have a feeling, it’s not a matter of things just clicking one day, and suddenly they will be kind. It might be, that the road to kindness is, well, a road. A journey. And perhaps, if I am being honest, I’ve got some unrealistic expectations of my children and how they behave. Do I expect them to be kind all day, ever day, with me, their siblings, their friends? Gulp. I think I do. I mean, I don’t, but I do. I’m hurt, or annoyed, or offended that we have to have the same conversations about being kind every single day, all day long. But why?

I had to stop and ask my adult self, am I kind all the time? 

Uh, nope. No I am not. Not even close. So, then, perhaps as we continue to have these conversations about kindness, I can remember that it’s a process. I am work in progress, as are my children. And just as I am thankful for God’s grace with me in my process, I can also chose to have grace with my own children in their process as well. 

So yes, bring on the books and the charts and the ideas, but also, bring on the grace. I’ve got to let go of my unrealistic expectations, and chose to continue down the ever exhausting path of correcting, directing, disciplining, reminding, and encouraging. And we’ll continue to have these discussions, and read great books, and remind ourselves that kindness is a choice. And sometimes we don’t make good choices, but, but we can keep trying.

Finally, a make over.

Lean in friend. I’m making some changes to this spot, and I’d love to share them with you…

I don’t know if it’s just because I’m getting older, but life seems a little more complicated, a lot harder, certainly more stressful, and not as black and white as I once thought it was. And with this realization comes this deep sense of needing a space to be, to think, to write, to chat about it, to create. Partially because I don’t think I’m alone in this thing called adulthood, a place where the cares of youth are no longer blissfully blinding me.

I know that I value honesty, and being authentically who I am. But I can’t be who I am when I’m too concerned about what others think of me. So, in light of that, I’ve created this place, a place to be really who I am.  I have said goodbye to social media, for the last 8 months and perhaps forever.  Because I got lost, in more ways than one. And so in this place, I hope to actually create something that is real, lasting, true, and honest. 

I’ve been thinking about this spot for months, what I’d like it to be. I’m also wondering what I think you, the person reading this, might like it to be. And the truth is: I’m still unsure. Because, well, frankly, that seems like too big of a question. And since it feels so big, and I don’t know what my tiny role in it all might be, I’ve let a little seed of fear grow, and it’s prevented me from even starting.

So let’s start with what I do know:  I know what the rules of blogging/websites are, both spoken and unspoken, and I’m just going to have to break them. I cannot pick a theme, and I cannot tell you exactly what to expect when you come here for a visit. Because, well, that’s not who I am. I cannot organize my life and my thoughts into categories, or really in any way, so how would I ever be able to do that here?  But here’s something you can expect:

~Encouragement. I sort of think women are amazing, and often times we need a little encouragement to remind us of the badass women God created us to be.

~Honesty. Even when it’s awkward, I’m in. Like double in. And not pretend in, like I’m actually going to be honest and real and it might make us both a bit uncomfortable. (Sorry. Just writing that line made me feel squirmy)

~Skin care talk. Let’s talk about it all! I’ve been an Esthetician for 16 years, I can’t not talk about skin care! Ooo, and make up to!

~Book talk. I Love books. And I love hearing and reading other peoples favorites (even if/especially when they make me venture outside of my favorite genres) and I will for sure share mine. 

~ Honesty about Wifehood. Motherhood. Sisterhood. Daughterhood. Friendhood. All the thoughts, all the feelings. Ladies, we wear so many hats and it’s good to talk about how awesome and hard that is!

~Unmotherhood: Some talk and thoughts on infertility too, because gosh dang it, I might have 3 kids right now (which, since I’m being honest, often makes me feel like I don’t dare talk about infertility)  but we tried for five years to have kids and it was the.hardest.thing.ever.

~Favorite things. I’m no Ellen, man she’s fun! But I am someone who wants you to have my new favorite thing too! So, keep your eyes on this section for some-much-lower-budget-than-Ellen give aways.

~Travel ideas/tips. My husband and I love to travel. And we said we wouldn’t stop if/when we had kids. So we haven’t. But, well, can somebody just admit it’s changed things, and  it’s so much harder traveling with them?! So, this section we’ll chat about it all. Tips. Tricks. Ideas. Mistakes made.

Is any of my rambling so far giving you some idea of what might go on around here? Would a mission statement help?  You see, my husband, has this very practical, analytical mind, and he suggested I create vision/values/mission statement. I laughed at that idea at first, but he was onto something. (Shhhhh, Don’t tell him,  it will go straight to his head)  So, here are those things for this blog:

I envision a world where women truly believe they are strong and beautiful daughters of the King and they act like it.

I envision the church to be a place that cultivates and encourages women to be a have significant role in how we bring glory to God.

I envision a place where women audaciously love others because they fully see, feel, and accept their value and worth in Jesus.

My mission statement:   Jessica exists to encourage women.

…

Okay, okay, you’re right, there is more to that actually. Here is the whole thing. I held back, because, well, every time I read it out loud, it either makes me laugh or cry and I just don’t know what that means or what to do with that information. So, fine, I’ll share the whole thing, here you go:

Jessica exists to encourage women, so that we believe in the person God made us to be- full of love, courage, kindness and a little badassery –so that we can boldly bring Him glory in the unique way we were created to.

I want to encourage women so that we honeslty believe that we are loved by God and are precious to Him, and that belief just might change everything. I want to encourage women by reminding us that God thinks we are stunningly beautiful, intelligent, and always enough. And instead of looking to our friends, husbands, or strangers for affection and affirmation, we can start believing God, living our lives like we believe Him, and glorify Him as we do it.