We are pregnant.
We are still speechless, processing, and continually giving praise and thanks to Jesus who has performed a mighty miracle. I have sat down a dozen times to write something and I still cannot find the words to adequately portray and explain what and how we are feeling.
Many of your know our story, others perhaps not. I’d say pretty much every single Haitian knows our story since all encounters with new people in Haiti start this way, in this order: “Hi. Do you have kids? Are you married?” So every single Haitian knows we don’t have kids, and after finding this out offers to pray for us since clearly we don’t understand the birds and bees! How can a single mom of six kids under eight even fathom that idea? And the best part is, we have been married for nine years. So to them, we have been trying for nine years. The common practice of starting your family when you want is not so common in Haiti, so trying to explain to them that it in fact has only been four years really is just futile. And I when I hear myself say the word ‘just’ I cringe, because four years of waiting for something like that deserves no ‘just.’ But we both have learned to laugh off the funny comments over the years. We can’t decide what is more awkward-the Haitian comments or American comments. Americans typically try to sweep it under the rug, not talk about it, afraid they will hurt your feelings or make you burst out crying . Some think if they have a child the best thing to do is to either not talk about them, or not bring the child around you- since you might just grab their child and take off in a sprint! Haitians on the other hand love to fix things, so a good intentioned stranger who finds out you have no kids has no problem giving you an awkward sex talk, making sure you are doing everything right. Our favorite inside joke is we love to nod and smile as if to say, “you are right, all this time and we just weren’t doing it right!”
Now, I am only eight weeks along. Our pebble, we had to come up with something, you don’t like to call your child “it”…so Brandon thought of Pebble- get it? Because we are the Stones, it’s a little Stone, or a pebble. ! Good one huh? That husband of mine sure is witty. I have to say, it’s strange that this is public knowledge when we are only eight weeks along. I am not one of those girls (sorry to those of you who are) who pee on a stick and then announce it to the world. I’m just not. But over the years, God has taught me a lot, about several different things. The first time we got pregnant-about three years ago- we didn’t tell a soul. We were so excited and wanted it to be this big surprise that shocked everyone. Since we don’t have a three year old, it’s obvious what happened. It was devastating. And we were alone in our grief and sadness since no one even knew. You can’t really hide those emotions from those you love, so soon the news was out. But it was after the fact, and we didn’t have the prayer and support from our family and friends because we didn’t let them in.
It taught me a huge life lesson. How much greater do your family and friends rejoice with you, or cry with you, when they know exactly what is going on? You have to let people in if you want to experience the greater joy of having people support and go through life with you.
It made me look at the parable found in Luke 15 in a whole new light. Do you know the one about the woman who lost her coin? She lost it, sweeps the house, tells her friends, finds it, and rejoices with them. The parable-God rejoices over even just one lost sinner who comes to the Lord. Awesome, and true. But I got something new from that verse. She lost her coin and when she finds it, calls her friends together and says, “Rejoice with me, I have found my lost coin.” She called them to rejoice with her, because they knew it was missing. She obviously told them about it, perhaps they were even helping her look for it, and so when she found it they shared in her joy mainly because they were a part of it from the beginning. How much greater do you rejoice with someone when you know the background? How much greater do you weep with a friend, when you have been by their side through an illness or the through loss of a loved one? You actually feel their pain with them. Or when something great happens, you actually feel the same joy they do because you have been by their side, praying, encouraging, and offering support.
And that has meant sharing the awkward, sad, funny, heartbreaking moments of our life as we’ve been waiting to have children. Ya, it makes some people feel uncomfortable. So what? But that means that our dearest friends and family know what has been going on, and they have supported us through this. They have prayed, in earnest, alongside of us. Regarding an issue that has been and still is, so precious to us. They have prayed over us, for us, for our unborn children, for God’s perfect timing, for adoption-everything.
Do you know what else is strange? Since living in Haiti , we have strangers come and visit our home about once or twice a month. Short term teams come here, and we host them for a week. And it’s this odd suspension of time and reality for us, as we all open up to each other in a supernatural way. Because we are strangers-having just met-yet we open up to each other. Of course it’s easier not to. I don’t want to share my junk with people I don’t know! But because we are Christians, believers who believe in the same God, we instantly have a bond and connection. And over the years God has brought some amazing people into our lives, and taught us the value in opening ourselves up to people we don’t know. Because in return, they too open themselves up. And the things people have shared with us are amazing. The ways that God is working on them and through them are incredible, and they take a step of faith to trust us-strangers-with such amazing details of their lives. And return? We have people we have met for a week who know our story and because of it, have been and continue to pray over us. How incredible is that? Do you hear what I’m saying? People we hardly knew care enough about us as fellow believers, that they have been petitioning the Lord for us specifically regarding children. Praying for us.
What does all that mean? I know there are a lot of people rejoicing with us right now. Praising the Lord, thanking Him, offering Him songs and words of praise for the miracle that He has done. My heart is so full. Not just because of the amazing miracle that is growing inside of me, but also because there are so many people rejoicing with us! Giving glory and honor to God alongside of us! I would have missed out on this part too-the incredible gift of having so many people rejoice and praise God with us, and continue to pray for the health of this baby-if we would have kept life to ourselves.
So I am currently in the US of A. Which of course makes our mothers extremely happy and helps them sleep at night. It’s not our first choice, but we did have some issues in Haiti last year. We got pregnant last year too. And we had a really hard time finding a good doctor, an ultrasound machine, and even a place to get lab work done. We lost our second child, a pain that seemed all that much worse and stronge the second time around. But again, God was so gracious in holding us (me) after that, and brought me through it without breaking my spirit. He is faithful, has been, and will continue to be. But after that , we decided if we were to get pregnant again that I should come to the States. The good old US of A is not some magical place. (Well, sometimes when our favorite foods are just a distant memory we think it is!) They can’t prevent miscarriage from happening. But we decided, as a family, that I will be spending the first trimester here-to be close to doctors and medical attention. After that, we’ll see!!
Ultimately, the health and safety of our child is in God’s hands. Something every single mother I’m sure must think about, pray about, and probably struggle with at times. So, I’m learning early to give this little tiny Pebble of life over to our Father. To trust Him everyday to protect Him and nourish His life. We did hear the heart beat just last week, and what an amazing moment of joy and rejoicing! Brandon was able to fly home for the appointment (I know, what a dedicated husband!!) And Living Water has been gracious in allowing him to visit.
I would love to share a few verses the Lord has so graciously poured over me. I can’t even begin to describe this amazing feeling of being held in the palm of the Father. The peace He has poured over me is something so supernatural I have no words for. He is faithful every day to allow me to come to Him with my fears and worries and simply lay them at His feet. He is holding me close.
“My soul clings to you, and your right hand upholds me.”
Psalm 40:1-3, 5
“I waited patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in God…Many O Lord my God are the wonders you have done. The things you have planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak of them, they would be too many to declare.”
“Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name, make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that His name is exalted. Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things, let this be known to all the world.”
So, as we sing thanks we are letting the world know-God has performed a miracle! Rejoice with us!!!!
And don’t worry, this blog won’t turn into baby baby baby blah blah. We still want this to be a place where you can learn about what we are doing in Haiti, with Living Water, and our lives too. So, maybe I’ll just start another blog-all baby all the time! Who knows?
- The day we found out !!
- The ultrasound-where we saw and heart the heart beat. Pebble is only 1cm here!!
- A special celebration breakfast at the Potato Shack – YUM
- I’m not sure if that face is “Holy crap that pancake is huge” or “holy crap we’re having a baby” !!!!